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Saturday, April 7, 2007

The Fat Lady has Sung

Today was the BIG day for the Eggstravaganza. I am fundamentally against getting up on Saturday before the sun, but have on many occasions ALL for work-mind you. I rose hoping and praying that we had a turn out and that some children had a good time. I was also hoping for my Southwestern friend, Santa Ana wind, to blow in some warm gulf air. Nothing doing!

Lucy had to get up and take me to the church to load the duke to make it to the YMCA in time to set everything up. We were out the door by 7:15. She and I stopped at Starbucks and each had a little heaven, she had the whip I skipped the whip. People were already at the church when I got there loading up. That was fine with me, I just started telling them what to do. Kendra and Mildred marvel at my ability to look very busy and not do a dang thing the whole time. I'm usually answering questions or solving problems and not actually "working" with physical exertion.

The skies were clear, crystal blue, and wind was blowing through the 31 degree atmosphere with razor sharp fierceness. I was ready to be cold and had dressed accordingly. I had on sweats, then jeans. I wore the standard issue white t-shirt (which I wear always even under t-shirts) then a long sleeve t-shirt and another long sleeve pique shirt over which I wore my leather coat. I didn't have gloves or any ear things.

I was only outside 45 minutes before my hands were stinging and my ears were burning. It was freezing! That's when the fires started burning. "Will the generator for the inflatables won't start the oil is frozen, it's like corn syrup. What do we do?" "Go get another generator?.." "Ok, I'll be right back." "Where do we put the eggs?" "On the ground. Here's the map of each section and just lay out the eggs that are in the boxes by the section." "Oh...those boxes. Got it." "We don't' have power to the popcorn machine, what do we do?" "Go get an extension cord and plug it in by the pool."

The green lawn peppered with different colored Easter eggs was really stunning. I had 12,000 eggs on the lawn in three different hunting areas. One area for the babies (0-2) another for the Preschool (3-6 years old) and then another for the Elementary. The plan was to begin with the babies, which took all of ten minutes, then wait ten minutes and let the Preschoolers go at it, wait ten minutes and let the Elementary go at it. After that we were done! I was announcing all of the countdown times so everyone could hear and be informed. That didn't keep people from asking questions however, but none the less I did it any way. We had a ton of eggs. Each one was assured a great bounty of eggs. On top of the eggs I had also bought several prize baskets, full-size candies, and two bikes. The YMCA kicked in a truck load of free stuff and we were set.

People started showing up. I am constantly stunned that people don't really think. I can't tell you how many people showed up late for their child's hunt and were mad that we didn't have eggs. What the heck? It's not like the hunt will take three hours to complete. We are talking seconds not minutes, those kids go after those eggs with a purple passion. Five minutes was going to make or break it. Why is it that when someone is late, and I didn't make them late, they expect me to make concessions for their tardiness? I can't really tolerate that. If you are going to be late then accept that your child will miss out on their egg hunt, hate you for the rest of your life and pick a really bad nursing home for you where all of the nurses smell like stale cigarette smoke and alcohol. It's up to you, don't drag me into the fray I have enough trouble.

Working with and around people is really challenging. Most people feel like they are owed something even when there is not cost to them. That's amazing to me. I was also amazed at how many children came to an outdoor event with no coat. One girl had on her night gown! What are these parents thinking? There were some who showed up with no basket...at an egg hunt...no basket at an egg hunt. Give me a flippin break, bring your grocery sack (unless you are in San Fransisco then bring the canvas bag) you might want to reference the last comment in the previous paragraph if you are one of those parents.

One lady, a granny, came with her two grandchildren. I knew the grand kids from church and was happy to see them. This granny was missing a couple connections up stairs. "I've lost my grandson...have you seen my grandson? I don't' know where he is. Where is he?" "Ma'am let's start with who is your grandson? What does he look like, where were you when you last had his hand?" "Oh he is name is "___" and we were right over here. Where is he, I can't find him." "He's probably playing on one of those inflatables. We'll find him." "No he's not on there he's lost, where is he?" About that time he slid down the slide of an inflatable and ran to his granny unaware that I had been zapping her with my pretend laser vision. About thirty minutes later the same granny came up, "Where is my camera? I've lost my camera. What do I do with that?" "Well we haven't had a camera turned in so I guess you will have to retrace your steps and look for it." "It looks just like that one...is that my camera." The lady who had the wherewithal to actually hold onto her children and camera just looked and granny cookie britches and walked away..slowly. "If I find it I'll let you know." "It's lost..where is my camera?"

I would guess that we had around 1,500 attend. Not bad for a blistering cold Saturday before Easter. Chubbers was out on picking up eggs--I think it seemed too much like work. Nonny was gathering up his eggs for him as he stood and looked at all the other cherubs doing their job like, "you should get you one of these they do everything for you." Titus had it down and had a plan. As soon as we said, "go" he was off to the very middle. As he was passing by the others he saw a huge blob of eggs and literally dove in the air into the blob with a swift scooping motion. He gathered up about 20 eggs right there on the spot. He was pleased with his, "energy." After the hunt, we spent the rest of the day looking for new outfits for Easter because Teensy and the boys were outfitted for warm weather not Arctic conditions.

Next year we will for sure be doing another Eggstravaganza and it will be awesome. People will rave, people will gripe complain moan and groan, and be late.

If you are a parent and ever plan to go to an Egg hunt for the first time. Please do your child a favor and show up at least 10 minutes early. For Pete's sake it's not that hard.

Oh I almost forgot. The balloon lady I hired was...interesting to say the least. First she wore this Pink, Pamela Anderson Cat in the Hat mangy dog thing on her head. I am not sure what that was all about. What was even more amazing was the shirt she had on. I was cut down to her naval and exposing every mystery North of the Mason Dixon line. She was, large boned, and revealing more skin than I cared to see. She was very talented at making balloon things, no one knew how she did it because they spent all of their time staring at her hoo ha's. I made a note to ask her to please wear clothes that don't reveal any mysteries. You are at a church event making balloon animals for children you don't need to look like someone who people would say, "how much for two hours?"

Finally...Happy Easter!

3 comments:

Tracy said...

oh-my-gosh
hilarious
specially the lady and her who-has!
she and the old-lady-who-lost-her-marbles-not2mentionthecameraandgrandchild
yes you are right about the expectations of some people.
the late ones will never be on time neither
thanks for posting the eggstravaganza results so quickly - i was a-wonderin

Sharon said...

Congrats on the turn out! We had a program, they gave out a ton of presents and then the cherubs walked through the back door to be handed a Walmart bag with 18 easter eggs.....Needless to say, Dillon was disappointed! So we went shopping!!!
Woo hoo!!!

Donna said...

There is simply no event too large for you to plan and execute. It's amazing. Expecially given the fact that you are always just standing around. It's amazes me. You do have the midas touch of all childrens' ministers. I don't think there is any doubt you are the best one in the nation. Read Sharon's post. Look what they've let happen to your ministry there. A program and a walmart bag with 18 eggs. Now, that's pathetic. I can only imagine how much they miss you.....wait a minute....I KNOW how much they miss you!