Vroom Vroom Vroom

There are something that I just don't get along with...ok a lot of things. Two of the things which are at the top of my list are cars and cell phones. It's a love hate relationship, I love having them, but hate everything else about them. I did manage to find a cell phone that I loved, truly loved it. I could look at that phone and see nothing but contentment and love. Chubbers got a hold of it a week ago and sucked on it like a Popsicle, you know he licks everything in sight--such an oral baby. His slobber infiltrated the entire phone and corrupted the whole set up--my phone died a cruel death by drowning. I mourned that phone. Fortunately I had a back up and used that for a few days until the new phone arrived, it sat on my porch for two days incidentally--don't ask. I'm back in business and getting to know my new friend--sam. I hope to love this phone as much as sam blue. Sam? I have a fondness for Samsung phones it seems. White wine, yeast bread, custardy gooey cakey desserts, White Mocha's, New Balance shoes, Born dress, Levi jeans, and Samsung phones.

Cars, well we go way back. I've been a car collector since I was a boy. I always got a car when we went to town, which was every single Saturday of my life. I loved cars. I still have all of my cars from my childhood in their original tire cases (four cases). I would get my Mom's cutting board she used for sewing (I NEVER saw my Mom sew a blooming thing) and had this city built. The girds were great and the swooping lines made for super highways--a boys dream city come true in a folding cardboard cutting board for seamstresses.

When I turned sixteen Mom and Dad decided I could by my own car (the fact that Lucy threw one of the biggest hissy fits known to man didn't help, she was married and out of the house for Pete's sake--what concern was it of hers?) and offered to let me buy their old car. It was a maroon 1980 Pontiac Grand LeMans. My Mom had used this as her commuting car for seven years and Emma (EMH 031 was the license plate thus Emma) was a tired old gal. I gave them the money to put down on a new car and was the reluctant owner of Emma. It would work out fine, if it ran--turns out she was a temperamental old hag. I can remember sitting in the middle of the street that separated my High School from student parking, stalled out. The rent-a-cop was trying to get me to move on, the students were laughing and poking fun, "get a real car." So humiliating, Emma was an old hag with a cruel temperament, timed for only the most embarrassing of moments.

Emma met an untimely death-two wrecks back to back in the same month. Not such a good month for me and cars or State Farm. They were not like a good neighbor, in fact they were down right ugly and cranky with me which is why I to this day do not like to be called Bill. I can feel myself getting all keyed up just thinking about it. I'll post the story another time.

After Emma died I bought a really great four door 1980 Honda Accord. This is before they were cool and the must have car of the world. I loved my Honda, grey with grey interior--a monochromatic dream. It ran great ( I still love to hear Honda's start) and was such a good car for me. I was driving to and from work and to and from college with this car and loving it. I drove it for about two months, maybe three when it, too met an untimely death. That's a story for another day, too--I feel a trilogy coming on--Mildred has her bird collages and I have car grief stories.

I grieved that cars death. I bought another Honda, an Accord two-door hatchback. This one was blue, light blue, with a sunroof and it was a standard. I loved this car, too. I never had a moments trouble with it, well did on my 22nd birthday. What are we up to, here a quadrology? Is that even a word?

By this time I had decided to go to school in Oklahoma and had given up hope on old blue to get me there. I tend to make really stupid choices when it comes to practicality and long range future stuff. It's a gift. I decided to trade the paid off old blue for a new car. I found my way to a used car lot, found a car I liked and planned to buy it. I went home to get Lucy so she could help me out and when I got back to the lot, the car was gone. I decided on a Chevy Corsica--the WORST car I have ever owned in my entire life. This car was a lemon--a grove of lemons. Everything about this car was crazy. When it rains everyone driving their cars are encouraged to use the windshield wipers something about seeing that makes people calm or something. My windshield wipers would work up to a point, like say two or three passes, before they would decide they hated each other and attack themselves. I had fighting blade-for real. they would get all gummed up in themselves and stall out. Nothing like angry blades on a car. Other things were screwy about this car, lights not coming on--it was a whole electrical grief thing. Hated that car!

I traded that car in on a Nissan Stanza...then a Plymouth Acclaim--hated that one too. The engine fell off the car after only about 100 miles. My first new car ever and the engine is hanging on for dear life. After the Acclaim...let's see now...Oh yes, my first Altima. I was married by this time. Loved the Altima...traded it in on a new Ford Taurus. I bought the Taurus right before the body style changed dramatically and plunged my cars value even faster into the toilet. I think my Taurus and $5 is enough to get a Venti, non-fat, no whip, white mocha, please stir. The Taurus was a good car until we hit a dog--pentalogy? Work with me here, I'm trying.

After the Taurus we bought a Ford Expedition, Eddie Bauer--loved that car! By this time i was buying two cars at a time (during the Expedition stage I went through a Plymouth Breeze and a Ford Thunderbird which I still have). The Expedition was a great car for a long time, but it's time came and we traded for another Altima. We loved this Altima: leather interior, sun roof, bose sound, 5 disc changer, the works. it didn't have navigation, or a driver who knows directions, but other than that it was a loaded.

The Altima was traded in last night at 11 Pm for our newest car, Nissan Quest. I hope to love this van, we are going to own it for a long time. Saying that is like saying, "Indians...what Indians General Custer?" I hope to own it until it's paid for and beyond.

Car buying wouldn't be so bad if car dealers didn't screw me over--royally. They see me coming and begin to salivate. I get screwed on every car deal I have ever made. Car sales man...oh those folks...tisk tisk tisk. They are all a certain breed--ok, ok, let's see a hexaology is it? I have so much to rant about regarding cars, purchasing cars, showrooms that all smell like rubber and bathroom fragrance and those annoying echoing intercom calls. This latest experience my change my mind about car salesman, or at least open up a new subcategory. My experience with the latest car dealership was totally pleasant--Nelson Nissan. It was the best place I have ever bought a car. I don't think I got screwed, we'll have to see.


Titus is very excited about the van, the color inside matches his hair and there are two tv's, one for each captain's seat in the middle row. There are wireless headphones for each screen, two movies can play at the same time and Kendra and I can talk ugly about people and not worry about Titus repeating it to them--YIPEE! Everyon seems so far away, I hate to say I miss the closeness, it's a beautiful adjustment to make, being far away.


I'm far from purchasing my last car ever, in fact I'm going to start looking right now for the car to replace the T-bird. That's a few years away, but what's the harm in looking :))