Now I lay me down to sleep

Well I've had this post bouncing back and forth in my head for a few days, several actually. It's just been bugging me to come out and live will all the other things that have crawled out of my head. I don't usually post two days in a row, and lately I haven't posted two weeks in row, but tonight I just have to get this story out.

Kendra and I are going to the Children's Pastor's Conference in Orlando, FL later this month and we are getting excited. It will just be the two of us for one week, the longest we have ever been away from our three kids together-ever. I've been away to camp but we have never both been gone at the same time. Poppa and Graham are coming up for part of the time and Aunt Lesa will be in for the last half of the time. I've been planning this conference for at least 6 months, so I'm glad it's finally here. I'm hoping Spoon luck doesn't come our way, we have the ultimate worst luck when it come to pre-planned anything because it never goes the way it should.

Kendra and I have often talked about our fear of leaving our children orphaned if both of us were to travel together and die. It's kind of harsh, but we will both be on the same plane and should the unthinkable happen we will both be taken away at once. It's sobering and makes you stop to think about what would happen. I don't want anything to happen at all, but the thought is looming and I just need to be prepared and ready. I'm a preparer and get readier kind of guy.

We have plenty of life insurance to take care of the bills and then get the kids set up with trusts to take care of them through college. I have been looking online at a will website and plan to get that done this week or next, just to make sure. My family knows what I would want in the event I should die, and we have arranged for my sister to take custody of teensy and the boys until they are old enough to be on their own.

So, the deep thoughts I have been pondering are, what will my kiddos miss out on if I'm not their daddy forever? If something were to happen to me, and they were to go live with Aunt Lesa and Uncle Doug, then they would be changed--in more ways than one for sure. But what influences and things would they miss out on if I weren't their Daddy? What things do I want them to know and not forget? How would I talk to them about their first heartbreak? Their first car wreck? What would I say on each of their graduations, or their wedding days? I would miss their life, and I would like to think that they would not be better because of it, arrogant huh?

So, here's just a sampling of the things I would hope my teensy and the boys have in their hearts, in the fiber of their being that will make them who they are better than they could have ever hoped to be:

• Compromise: There isn't anything that will destroy you faster than compromising. If you choose to be associated with people who are constantly wanting you to compromise what and who you are, then you don't need to be around them. If you want to be around them, then you have to have the courage to stand up to them and not compromise who you are or what you believe. You gain more respect and strength from being a person who doesn't' compromise than from someone who has no ground to stand upon because they didn't believe in themselves enough to stand up.
• Integrity: Shaping your integrity might seem to be this huge, abstract, ominous thing, but it really isn't. Integrity is putting the suffocating earth worm back on the grass after a drenching rain, it's putting the shopping cart back in the "right" place and not just by your car. It's putting the things in the store back where they belong and not leaving the milk with the trash bags because you remembered that you didn't need it. Integrity is doing the right thing, all the time, without expectation of a reward, other than knowing you did the right thing. These little things will prepare you for the large things that challenge you to compromise your integrity.
• Dress: Don't ever thing that a pink, black, or red bra will be invisible under the white t-shirt. It is so don't do it. Black shoes...black belt. Brown shoes...brown belt. If you have on khakis or slacks of any kind, the socks must--MUST be the same color as the pant. Wrinkles of any kind mean you don't care about how you look. If you don't care about you then why should you expect anyone else to care about you?
• Avoid buffets!
• Wash your hands after coming in contact with any public thing! Hand rails on the escalator..elevator buttons...door handles. The secret to good health is proper hand washing.
• If you are a booger farmer...don't eat what you grow.
• Anytime you ask yourself or your friend, "does this make me look cheap?" the answer is, "yes." You should have never bought it in the first place. If that friend says yes, then they are no friend at all. You should not dress like you are desperate or for sale.
• Chastity: People can take a lot of things away from you, and probably will. Your education and your virginity are things that no one can take away from you. Being a person who loves themselves enough to stay pure and not compromise themselves for love, but instead saves themselves for their life mate has made a wise decision. There is more, so much more to making love than the physical pleasure, it's the least of the many things you will share with your partner. Save your self for marriage.
• Deal breakers: When you begin to date there are some deal breakers that no matter how nice or how reformed they may be, these are deal breakers. If the person you are interested in dating is not a christian--it's over. Move on they are worth your time as far as a relationship goes. You don't' need to date a project. If the person you are interested in dating is not a virgin--it's over. Move on because they have intimacy issues that you don't need to worry about. If the person you are interested in dating is disrespectful to their parent(s) then it's over. They won't honor you and love you as you deserve to be honored and loved. Move on. If the person you are interested in breaks plans with, for any reason other than life threatening issue, it's over. Move on because they won't honor you and Cherise the time they have with you when all they have is time. If the person you are interested in dating has all of the above...find a brick wall and firmly place both palms on the wall, shoulder length apart and as quickly as you can drive your head into that wall!
• Faith: The Lord wants to be your friend. He is not to be feared, or avoided, but instead should be loved and adored. The Lord can take you to places you never imagined or dreamt of. The Lord has great plans for you and created you to do something amazing. He doesn't waste his time and he doesn't make mistakes--you are here on this earth at this time to do something great that only you can do.
• Check your zipper right before you speak to any group of people.
• Help the elderly at the store. And for heaven's sake--smile!
• If someone is rude to you, pray for them. You never know what kind of day that person had before you, but you can certainly determine how their day will end after you leave. Make a lasting impression on that person and show them how the Lord changed you.
• Second Guess: If that small voice in your head says, "I probably shouldn't do that." Don't listen to that small voice, I attribute it to the voice of the Lord and I yield to it's guidance on many things.
• Thankful: Be sure to thank the Lord for everything. If you begin to notice and thank the Lord for the parking space closest to the door that just opened, then you will be able to broaden your spectrum of thanks and see how bountiful the Lord blesses us each day of our life. Noticing the small stuff prepares you to see the big stuff. Remember, the Lord has great plans for you.

I know there is more, but my brain is giving up. It's screaming, "it's out already, shut up. Give me a break...!"

I love my children more than life or words can ever express. I know I've let them down, but I try every day to make it up to them. I want them to know everyday that their Daddy loves them with all of his heart. I'm so very proud of each and every one of my babies and would do whatever i could to see their lives lived full of happiness and free from pain.

Love you,

Daddy.