Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I have a song in my head

...the one from the Steve Miller band about time slipping. I feel that song in almost every day of my life. Time just seems to be in short supply to get all of the things done that need to be done. Usually, Fall is a time to settle down and take a respite from the crazy summer's that have defined my life in ministry, but that isn't the case in this wonderful new chapter of my life as it is lived out in Tulsa.

I don't make excuses, while I have plenty that would work, I just simply don't find that I have time to love this blog as I should. For me, if I don't really go both guns I don't go at all and so I'm contemplating this blogs grand finale being sometime this month, not sure though, but I feel it coming. I think it would help me not feel as much pressure that I'm not getting everything done because one more thing would be put off my list of things to do. I don't know that, but I do feel guilty that I don't post as much as I would like to. My lone commenter Tracy, who has been such a sweet friend, would have more time to go around to other places and not worry about this old rag.

You see I suffer from horrible self-esteem and tend to beat myself about with great ferocity. No one is more critical of me than myself, and I'm being very critical about this place that has really helped me feel great and express myself in ways that I didn't think I could. It's really been a lot of fun, and is fun, but would I miss it? Would "you", gentle reader, miss it? That's the question. If time is precious, wouldn't it be a favor to you if this wasn't one more thing to feel guilty about? Just wondering and pondering the fate of this space.

There is also part of me that wants to take my time to "do" something with this space. As of now it's been mostly just stories and random thoughts, but it could be more. What would I do? That's the question. I don't really get an opportunity to cook as much as I would like, so this can't be a cooking site, just wouldn't work.

So, let's see how things go and how I feel in a week or two. Who knows you may be reading, "Goodbye cruel world" my final post some time soon. Kind of like J.K. Rowling writing the beginnings of the final Harry Potter book years before writing the remainder of the series, I knew that my last post on this space would be just that, "Goodbye Cruel World." Just as my first post was, "Hello World Part 2" and only such because Levi trashed my first post, I've long since forgiven him for it.

Read up, dear friends, for tomorrow we may be gone.


Jamie S said...

Yes, I would miss it. Can't get enough laughter, you know. But...certainly don't want it to be something you feel guilty about or that keeps you from other things you enjoy. And if I had to choose between reading your blog and eating your cooking...well, I think you know.

Donna Layton said...

Why can't it be just what it is??? A place where you write things you feel like writing when you feel like writing them. You DO NOT have the time it takes to put your blog on the map. Doesn't mean you don't have the talent. It just means that avenue isn't really open to you at this point in your life. Too busy. I think you need to view your blog, not as an obligation or as a reflection of your value, but as a personal space where you open your window every once in a while and spew out whatever is on your mind.
A day will come when you have the time to give this blog a theme and a direction if you still choose to do it, but, for now, let it be your happy place. Take down that counter and quit sweatin' the small stuff.

Donna Layton said...

Forgot to weird for you to have a song running through your head. I mean a song that's not a hymn or a kids' song.

Tracy said...

i'd miss it terribly :-(
i love your stories will.
i would hate to see you stop telling the stories of your past or the ones about T&the boys. The occasional recipe is nice too :-)
i'm with mildred. does it have to be more than that? i'd just be happy with the occasional post :-) but you gotta do what you think is best. personally i think its fine to post when you can - cos honey you'll always have an audience with me :-)

Sue McGettigan said...

Actually Will, my time is very precious indeed, and I'm pulled in all directions, but this sharing of blogs thing, this connection of like minded souls no matter where in the world we all live - this means a lot to me and is well worth the tiny bit of time alloted to me for recreation. Keep the faith.

Sue McGettigan said...

OK, can't see an email for you and there's more stuff swimming around in my head after reading your post and the responses of my friends (Mildred and Tracy).

First off, there's always music going through my head, so although hymns and children's songs might be your forte it's not strange to have other music in there, just go with it - maybe the time slipping is a wake up call in some other sphere of your life, or maybe it's just that your baby is turning two and you're very aware of time passing right now (my oldest just turned 16, I'm very attuned to time and its passing right now).

Next, Donna's right about the counter - get rid of it! I'm a little (OK, more than a little) OCD and I just kept checking my counter (and map of visitors) over and over, it had to go - much better without it :)

Finally, you speak very openly and warmly of your calling and your faith - I think this blog is a tool to reach others with that faith. Exactly because you speak of many things, day to day experience, treasured memories, recipes, family rituals, you reach a lot of people and this is one more way to communicate that pervasive faith with others - faith is an everyday, every moment, every situation experience.

You're probably over the whole 'to blog or not to blog' question, but that's my 2 cents and now it's splashed all over the net :)