Thursday, October 25, 2007

Up Jump The Devil

My best friend in the whole wide world is Mildred. Halloween is a perfect time of the year to share with you one of the most wonderful joys of my life, more than a golden ticket from my favorite Barista, more than 90% off at my favorite store, this tops of my list of things I love--scaring Mildred. I just can't tell you how awesome it is. One thing to understand about scaring Mildred is that Mildred is a tough ol'bird. She's not afraid of tornadoes or walking in the baddest part of town at midnight, oh no bring it it on for her. She has no fear of "natural" things. No, no, see she's afraid of things that don't really happen in the natural world. I'll explain.

When Kendra and I lived in Oklahoma City and were working at Deer Creek we were good friends with the Triplett's. We spend many hours together; Mildred and her family, Kendra and Me, and the Triplett's sitting around either one's home and laughing until our belly's hurt and our tear ducts were dry. So much fun. I think for Kendra and Me the Triplett's house was our favorite place to hang out because we loved their house! It was in a very nice neighborhood of Oklahoma City called Blue Stem and the house was our dream of an absolute perfect house, now we say we would add one more bedroom since Teensy's surprise arrival almost a year ago (one month and 4 days to her 1st birthday). The floor plan was totally open and inviting, as were the Triplett's. I loved the kitchen and really liked cooking in there.

On one of our fun nights we were all cutting up and having a ball when Larry, sorry Pat and Larry Triplett, walked in the kitchen with this horrendous old man mask, that looked a lot like this one. Well Donna nearly dropped her contents! In addition to being really fun to scare she is even more fun to startle! It's really too easy to startle her, but it's still fun. Of course after she was startled we all got a HUGE classic Mildred lecture. As the night progressed, I decided it was time to pull out all of the stops. Mildred was at the sink, which had a window looking out over the side of their property. The street lights gave a blue haze to the dark night sky. I put that mask on and snuck around to the window and waited for her to get totally engrossed in a conversation. At just the right moment, up jump the devil! I popped up and caught her eye. She threw up her towel screamed and spun around! It took me a good five minutes to get off the ground because I was laughing so hard. She refused to look out that window any more that night, and really didn't want to go to the sink. The other thing to remember about Mildred is that when scared it usually marks her for life. Call her today and ask her about that night I jumped up at Pat and Larry's and we are RIGHT back to that night, and I get the same lecture as if it had just happened.

When Mildred's husband was on an out of town trip, for business, Mildred came over to the house to hang out with us. We always ate too much, laughed a lot, and just had fun together. This night was no exception other than we had decided to watch the Blair Witch Project. It was ALL the rage in 1999 and it seemed EVERYONE was talking about it. We started the movie about 10 or so. You have to understand that I'm not, so not, a night owl. I turn into a pumpkin around 10 and it just gets worse and worse at the night wears on. It drives Kendra crazy and Mildred too. I have never been a night owl, I'm a morning person. I say that to say, Blair Witch put me to sleep.

It didn't put Mildred to sleep, it put her in a state of absolute marked for life sheer terror. What makes this movie so believable is the way in which it was shot, like a home movie all bouncy and rough, not like a really fancy high dollar production. There is a part of the movie where this person is in a tent and children are all around the tent banging on it. Mildred was wrapped up in a blanket, peeking out with half an eye--totally and completely horrified. This movie ruined her.

The next day she was still ruined, still marked, still mortified that she had allowed her mind to open, even a crack, to the images and sounds of this now horror classic. It was all she could talk about. Mildred lives in the boon toolies about twenty minutes from civilization and the thought of her going back to her house...alone was all she could do. She just knew that little children would pop up and surround her house banging on the walls or something. She stayed with us for three days and then went over to the Triplett's for another three days. I really believe that she's still haunted by this movie--it really ruined her. I'm sure, not that she ever reads this blog, that she will get all tense and keyed up just reading this post. It's ok Mildred, they are all actors. My friend Tracy tells me that this happened in her neck of the woods. Since Mildred and Tracy are friends I'm sure it will come up in conversation (have you asked her about it yet, Tracy?)

Lastly, Mildred had not been on the world wide web for long when this happened, even though it seems she has been there ever since All Gore invented it. I had been after her for some time to get an email account set up. She has dial up which is totally frustrating to ALL of us, especially her. A few years ago I came across this cool picture of a kitchen/dining room and the challenge was to find something wrong with this picture. It came to me in an email, but I found it here and I'm so glad I did. Well the fun thing is as you stare at this picture you realize nothing is wrong, so you lean in closer, and closer when--up jump the devil! this monster face jumps up at you and screams. The first time I saw it I have to admit I jumped. I knew it would be fun to send to Mildred because she just simply could not resist the desire to find fault in this picture and there would be a for sure nose print on her screen. The only sad thing is I was not there to witness the shock. Mildred used to stay up into the wee hours of the morning pouring over the web and checking and responding to email. She was in this two peas in a bucket group and spent a lot of time there doing something. Well...sure enough she opened the picture and took the bait the picture was there and she was nose to nose with the screen when--up jump the devil.

She screamed, threw herself back from the computer in her rolling chair and ran out of the room. I'm sure her hands were close to her face, or covering her eyes. She was Ruined. She did not have her speakers on, or up one, because had that happened I think she would have completely dropped her contents and never touched her keyboard again. She knew she had to get that thing off the screen, but it kept poppin up and she just couldn't do it. So she covered her eyes and side step-slid, into the room waving her free arm around trying to find the computer. She finally managed to smack the screen and slide her hand down to the button to turn off her computer. I got the biggest lecture from her, lord o lord did I get a lecture. "William! I can't believe..." I really don't know what she said because I was laughing too hard. This happened at least seven years ago and she still won't open an attachment from me! How's that for holding a grudge.

Nowadays I just get my kicks out of making her think I'm bidding too early on her ravenous compulsive vintage ebay wallpaper purchases, but you gotta do what you gotta do. See since she has dial up and gets her connection dropped I get the supreme joy of doing her bidding--literally! It's just more fun that I have the ability to share, scaring Mildred. One more thing, Mildred....Boo!


Tracy said...

i think i did mention Burkittsville is nearby - funny - Mildred did not reply (or i dont think she did.... LOL)
i really dont like being scared either - i hate dark rooms and yell at the tv when the dopey people in a show or movie walk into a dark room and dont turn on the light LOL.. but Mildred must take the cake :-)

sherri (Tied Up In Ribbons) said...

You sound like my little brother. I think scaring me was a favorite pastime of his too. One time he hid under my bed and waiting until I had gotten in my pjs, turned out the light and was standing next to my bed, just ready to crawl in and he grabbed my ankles--I think I hit the ceiling literally--I know i made it out to the main part of the house in 1.2 seconds! Evil boys!!

Donna Layton said...

I do too read your blog. Occasionally. Dear God it takes a full day to read one post!
You are evil and I still say anyone who wasn't mortified by Blair Witch Project has absolutely no imagination whatsoever.